Friday Flash 55 #6

RF5468752Brian picked up her hand and looked at the ring. “Is this what I think it is?”

“What do you think it is?”

“Don’t play games—are you engaged?”

“What do you care?”

“That guy?” His lip curled up in incredulity. “Really, Alyssa, you’re marrying that guy?”

“Go to hell, Brian.”

“Too late, Lys, I’m already there.”

16 thoughts on “Friday Flash 55 #6

  • OMG! I can’t believe we both chose wedding segments this week. And talk about Yin and Yang, mine happens to be all chipper and yours is the darker of the two. In some parallell unniverse we must be connected somehow.

  • I have a question…
    I struggled with
    “His lip curled up in incredulity.”
    I wrote it then rewrote it and I’m still not sure if it’s a good sentence. I wanted to show action and portray his disgust in her choice. What do you all think?

    • I think…his lip curled…would be sufficient. I had to get my dictionary. LOL

      • You always force me to get my dictionary. I glad I was able to return the favor. Thanks for the honest feedback. I really had trouble with it. I kept asking myself “Can a lip curl in incredulity”? Then I started to google it in different forms and apparently lips curl for many reasons in other books so I finally decided–what the hell…lol

    • kathanink

      I agree with Dayner, I think his lip curled is perfect. 🙂

      • kathanink

        Of course, I meant, I agree with DS. I am sooo tired. Duh!!

        • Okay, so do you think there is anyway someone could misconstrue ‘lip curled up’ with a smile? The real problem is the 55 word limit. With readers not being able to read an entire page of this conversation could they mistake Brian for happy?? Sorry if these are stupid questions, I’m still very much a novice.

          • I think the dialogue alone sets the tone without any question as to the tone of the conversation. Maybe you can omit it all together and use the words to expand the dialogue.

          • okay–thank you all for the feedback. I feel like a child needing too much validation. 🙂 Sometimes it’s really hard to evaluate my own writing.

          • I need a daily dose of validation lately. It must be that this woman is getting old and the hormones are raging and driving me a little crazy thing.

  • Jenny

    That’s a really hook…got my attention. What’s next…what’s next….!

  • kathanink

    This is great!! You can feel the heat b/w them coming off the screen.

  • Hey!! Would someone please pass DS the chocolate? Her hormones are raging.

    I agree that ‘in incredulity’ is unnecessary. I actually think the whole sentence is unnecessary, as DS suggested. The dialogue is clear enough without it. No one could mistake Brian for happy.

    We ALL need validation. And it’s hard to evaluate your own writing, especially when it hasn’t had a chance to cool yet.

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